Less Than Zero

Suck it AARP
Suck it AARP

It’s funny how a piece of unexpected mail can knock you on your ass. I’m not talking about an outrageous bill or news from your backwards, technically-challenged relative alerting you to a death in the family. I’m talking about receiving an AARP notification. What in the world?

First of all, let’s address the elephant in the room that is the flaw in logic. AARP stands for American Association or Retired Persons which is apparently available now at age 50 rather than 55 as I recall. Sure, the age of retirement used to be 55 (according to Social Security), but it climbed to 65, is now 66 for people born between 1943-1954, and will soon be 67.

Next we should look at the ageist stigma associated with being an AARP member. Be honest, when you hear the term AARP, don’t you automatically think old? In 20-25 years, when the life expectancy is 120, we’ll look back at the current Social Security system and recall how laughable the retirement age was as well as mourn the day when the program was dismantled because it ran out of money. I digress.

Basic math tells us there was a 12 year discrepancy between the current “retirement” ages. Now there’s a 16 year difference which will become 17 years.

Dear Government:

Get your act together and coordinate your programs.

Sincerely,

Me

I don’t currently meet the age requirements to be admitted into this AARP group. I don’t look, feel, or act like someone who would belong to this group. I mean no disrespect to anyone currently in this demographic, but I don’t belong in your ranks. There’s at least a decade before you get to count me in your ranks, so, with all due respect, suck it!

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