My Internet Breakup


I need to take a moment away from my recent exhilarating Pluto posting to take care of some personal business. I realize this may not be the best venue because it takes the coward’s way out, but I haven’t been home much and this can’t wait any longer. I’ve been in a relationship lately and, to be completely honest, it’s been abusive. Given that I have friends who have been through abusive relationships and have come out better for it, it’s time I did the same. Damn the consequence!

I have to break up with you, Pennsylvania. Don’t worry, I’m not going to use the old “it’s not you, it’s me” cliche. I think we both know, it’s you. You’ve pushed me beyond normal limits each and every day. You won’t allow me  to sleep. You won’t allow me time to exercise. You limit my food options. You keep everything dismal and often wet. You turn off my power so I can’t be productive. It’s not a healthy relationship, so tomorrow I will just swing by and grab a few things before heading off.

Please know that I will always remember and appreciate the few fun times we had, but we won’t be seeing each other anymore. Please ensure my records are all together. Give me my money back, I want my money back, and don’t forget to give me back my black t-shirt.

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