I’ve been trying to arrange an upcoming birthday party and I’ve been struggling with the particulars, mostly the who and where. Then I heard about how new Buffalo Bills running back, LeSean McCoy (AKA Shady), is planning his party and I thought to myself, “Why reinvent the wheel?” Shady has taught me all I need to know about party planning, such as:
- FIRST RULE OF PROMOTION: ALL CAPS!
- When designing the promotional graphic, remember: Dark colors and lens flares give it that J.J. Abrams feel.
- Foster an atmosphere of exclusivity: It’s a private party, so know who to invite and stick to a manageable number – females only, 21+ a must. No exceptions.
- Keep the location a mystery: Ensure the party doesn’t turn into a sausage fest.
- SECOND RULE OF PROMOTION: Don’t use a licensed NFL image without permission. The team may not approve of your thinly veiled excuse for a sex party.
- Although the ladies will forgive the use of slang or abbreviations, they won’t tolerate confusion. Grammar and punctuation count!
- Asking for all social media account information screams of stalker no matter how much money you make.
As a favor to my new idol, I’m going to help him out with his invite.
Thank you for your RSVP to LeSean Mccoy’s Private Extravaganza taking place on Sunday evening, July 26th, 2015. Below are the following requirements to be confirmed for the event:
1. Please submit full name (as seen on ID) 21+ is a must. ID’s will be checked for admission.
2. Please submit one picture and provide social media information (e.g., Instagram, Facebook, or Twitter).
3. Upon entry, patrons will be asked for ID’s and to sign a confidentiality agreement.
4. There are no plus 1’s. Everyone must individually RSVP to the event.
5. Upon confirmation, you will receive an email detailing pick up/drop off location and attire.
6. In case it was unclear, this party will most likely get freaky. You’ve been warned.
Okay, now that I have that squared away, how do I break this news to my family?