In light of yesterday’s events, I needed to find a way to not only help others in the office through what was affecting them, but also escape what was threatening to overwhelm me. It’s fine to be the rock in these situations, but as I’ve learned over the years, I eventually need to find time to process and grieve. Everyone has their own coping mechanisms, but this is where music and writing enter the fray for me. A few years ago, while writing my self-published short story The Longest Walk, I stumbled upon a few musical selections that have served me well when dealing with death or loss in general.
The first influence for coping was Sting’s Soul Cages. The album is celebrating its 25th anniversary which is scary in and of itself. It’s dark, moody, nautically themed, and somewhat dramatic as it addresses the aspects of his childhood and the death of his father. All of the songs resonate with me on various levels, but perhaps none as much as the instrumental, St. Agnes and the Burning Train. It’s short, bittersweet, and reminds me how life can far too often be.
The second influence for coping is Beck’s Sea Change. While the title might suggest another nautically themed album, that’s not the case. Beck is subdued and introspective, heart-broken and solitary, but absolutely wonderfully raw. If you can’t feel this album, you may need to seek out a therapist to see if there’s something wrong. Once again, there are so many terrific tracks on this album, but the one that truly stands out is the opening track The Golden Age. His use of acoustic guitar, slide guitar, chimes, and ambient sounds paint a sublimely sardonic musical landscape.
A new arrival on the musical coping scene is the latest from Eric Prydz. His album, Opus, dropped on Feb. 5 and the song Liberate is a stark musical difference from the aforementioned albums. It still maintains the water theme from a video standpoint, but what speaks to me is the song’s only lyric, “Don’t break now, the world’s locked out. Just close your eyes and we can push them all away.”
It’s simple. It’s reaffirming, It’s necessary at this point in time.
5 thoughts on “Coping”
So this is my coping mechanism. I’m really curious what others do to cope with loss. Do you use music? Do you find solace in arts & crafts? Do you drink your pain away? What do you do?
I sing. I find some familiar album or artist – the music/lyrics don’t have to coincide with my mood….I just have to know it and be able to sing it loud and raw.
The other best coping thing for me is to be in nature. It grounds me in a way that nothing else can. I feel such peace and wonder when I’m out and away from everything and it generally makes everything else go away – if even temporarily.
Barring those two options, I’m really fond of beating the hell out of a heavy bag and yelling gutterally.
Or a lead pipe and a 5 gal. bucket?
What do you mean by coping? Is it the method you use to navigate overwhelming emotions in the face of loss? Or is it a technique of avoiding overwhelming emotions to come to a sense of normalcy/productivity?
I think that coping or managing loss is a much more complex and drawn out process than we normally allow for.
I sing (the ironically named It is Well with my Soul); listen to music (Cranberries – Zombie, is a post-apocalyptic favourite ). Sometimes I just watch the sun…something that moves independent of my consuming grief or situation. It is oddly comforting knowing that the laws of nature have not been suspended.
Regardless, grief still has to be experienced even if it is simply a touch at a time. Like dipping ones toes in cold water before taking a plunge.
All the best to you and your coworkers.
In this particular instance I’m referring to loss via death. In the grander scheme I’m referring to loss in the general sense – a job, a pet, a spouse/significant other, a special gift from a friend or family member. There are some very talented individuals who can expertly compartmentalize everything. They seal off and jettison the painful or negative feelings like dropping trash in a compactor and then setting it by the curb.
I’ve never been able to do that. I’ve used many of the techniques on that Bingo board, but my go-to’s are walking, writing, and listening to music. I’m also not the type to use sunny, cheery songs to force myself out of wherever I am – I Will Follow You Into The Dark over Walking On Sunshine.