Like An Infant Or A Bad Whore

I’ve had some physical problems over the past year ever since getting food poisoning in Lake Oswego, OR. For the most part I’ve been able to manage them without too much impact to my day-to-day life. Until two nights ago, that is. I arrived home exhausted much like I have for the past several months. With my calves swelling for no apparent reason (at least not that a doctor has been able to discern) I’ve been laying down with my back on the floor and legs up on the couch. Yep, back on the floor and feet in the air… just like an infant or a bad whore. Anyway, as I was getting up, all the muscles in my lower back just grabbed as if to say, Where do you think you’re going?

It got so bad last night that it was easier to crawl than to try standing and walking. I’ve been on a steady regimen of stretching, ice, and Ibuprofen so things are slowly starting to get better. I’ve gone through this once before and I have to admit I’ve never experienced anything more painful in my entire life. Don’t mistake what I’m saying. I’m not complaining that this is the worst pain in the world. I’m sure every woman reading this who’s borne a child will scoff at me. It’s not a contest and I’m not trying garner any pity. It’s just surprising how many muscles are affected when this happens. Standing, stretching, turning, bending, coughing, sneezing, laughing, etc. are all much more precarious activities with lower back strain.

So what’s the worst physical pain you’ve ever experienced?

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